As move-in season approaches, many new staff members find themselves more nervous about interacting with parents than students. We hear stories of our peers’ past experiences, and maybe have some lingering in the back of our brains as well.
The truth is that most parents are not trying to be difficult. They’re doing something incredibly hard: leaving their child in the care of people they’ve never met before.
I was reminded of this during a move-in conversation with a parent who was upset about the view from their student’s room. The room overlooked a cemetery (grim, I know) instead of a more scenic area of campus. The parent was visibly frustrated and wanted to talk through options. This went from changing rooms to leaving campus for a different school entirely.
The interesting part? The student couldn’t have cared less. They were already talking about meeting people on their floor, joining organizations, and spending time outside their room. The view was not important to them.
What I realized afterward was that the conversation was never really about the room. It was about a parent wanting everything to be perfect before leaving their child behind. The room was simply the thing they could control in a moment that otherwise felt very emotional.
That’s something worth remembering as we prepare students and staff for move-in. This is a time of elevated stress and concern. The car was packed too tight, traffic was awful, everyone slept poorly the night before, Spot (the hypothetical dog) was left at home with a neighbor and everyone was worried. There are so many factors involved in how a person shows up that day, and while this may be your only impression of a parent, this is not who they are fully (we hope).
Set Boundaries with Care
Being empathetic does not mean saying yes to every request. Sometimes the answer is that there are no room changes available – there are never empty rooms available on the first day of move in…. Sometimes a policy cannot be waived. Sometimes the concern simply cannot be resolved in the way the family hopes.
You can acknowledge a parent’s frustration while still maintaining appropriate boundaries. A response like, “I understand why you’re concerned, and while we’re unable to make that change, here’s what we can do,” communicates both care and clarity.
Families often respond better to honest, consistent information than attempts to solve problems that are outside your control.
A Few Quick Tips
Assume positive intent. Most questions come from concern, not criticism.
Listen first. Sometimes families need reassurance more than a policy explanation.
Don’t take concerns personally. Parents are often responding to the emotions of the transition, not to you specifically.
Remember the bigger picture. Students are starting a new chapter, but families are experiencing a transition too.
When a parent asks one more question, worries about a room assignment, or seems overly concerned about a small detail, try viewing the interaction through a different lens:
They’re not just evaluating a residence hall.
They’re leaving one of the most important people in their life with a group of strangers and hoping everything will be okay.
And honestly, that’s not such a scary thing to understand.
PS: I hope I’m a more chill parent on move in day… I fear I won’t be…
