by Matthew M. Inman
During a recent focus group with resident assistants (RAs), one staff member said, “I’m supposed to talk with my residents about leadership, but some can’t even speak to their neighbors.” As an educator, this statement had a lasting impact. It represents a misalignment between what we currently focus on in resident life and what we should be focusing on. How have we missed the mark and how can we fix it?
As college students increasingly avoid conflict and uncomfortable conversations, influenced by the contexts in which they were raised, residence life must stop designing for the ideal student and instead reset the educational starting point, recognizing the growing gap between our goals and students’ readiness for dialogue and disagreement.
This blog series features different writers responding to the prompt, “How is the rising generation of college students changing residence life practice?”
Many of our curricula, frameworks, and underlying assumptions imagine an “ideal student.” We picture the student we wish we had; then design our outcomes and work backwards to create the necessary sequence to produce the desired results. In reality, students often struggle with everyday interactions we assume are basic: introducing themselves, greeting a neighbor, or asking for help. These interactions are more than polite exchanges; they are the building blocks of long-term outcomes. Students do not learn these skills automatically, yet residence halls are among the few consistent spaces to practice dialogue, disagreement, and connection. When we design for the student we wish we had, instead of the student in front of us, we unintentionally set everyone up for frustration and missed learning opportunities.
Can your residents talk to their neighbors? This simple test reframes where learning in our communities should begin. Focusing on these low-stakes interactions lays the groundwork for meaningful engagement, conflict resolution, and leadership. If a student cannot speak to the person living three doors down, they are unlikely to navigate more complex conversations or achieve ambitious learning outcomes, no matter how noble the goal. This is not about student deficits. It is about reevaluating environmental factors, meeting students where they are and providing necessary support. The neighbor test gives us a better idea of where learning needs to begin as well as helps us highlight who is best positioned to guide students through these interactions: the RAs who live alongside them.
Recognizing the value of these low-stakes interactions changes how we design programs, train staff, and assess growth. RAs are no longer program deliverers but instead guides who model, coach, and normalize everyday interactions that enable higher-level learning. In practice, modeling and coaching these interactions is central to any RA role. To make this shift, RA training could include workshops and role-playing exercises on these essential skills. This enables RAs to demonstrate and facilitate basic interactions among residents. If residence life builds on students’ skills rather than just the outcomes we want, we set the stage for meaningful, lasting impact. This invites us to reflect on what it truly means to educate in community.
Residence life education must begin with the realities of today’s students, not the ideal we have long relied upon. This means rethinking our curricula, training, and RA roles to prioritize everyday interactions as the foundation for deeper learning. Let’s stop designing for the ideal student and commit to meeting students where they are. Begin by asking: Can your residents greet the person next door? If not, that’s where we roll up our sleeves and the work starts.
