If you clicked on this article…you just might be feeling like you have a terrible co-worker who isn’t good at their job. Having a bummer colleague makes any job worse, but when you have to live in the same building/community as them!? That’s a real challenge. Here are some steps you can take to navigate working through tough coworkers as a student leader in Residence Life.
Define the problem.
What is it about your fellow student leaders that is not going well? Is it that they are doing something against policy? Are they being mean to you? Are they blatantly ignoring specific aspects of their job? Do you just not like their personalities? Did you do something that is causing your coworkers to retaliate?
By defining what the problem is, it will help you then begin to take steps to address the issue. Without knowing exactly what the issue is, it’s going to be hard to navigate.
Get to know your fellow student leader.
If you haven’t already, take some time to get to know your fellow student leader. Sometimes what we may perceive as one thing could be something else all together. For example, maybe you think your quiet coworker doesn’t like their job, but actually they’re really quiet because they are nervous about saying the wrong thing. If you never talk with your coworker, you won’t know where they are coming from.
Be Clear!
I often say “clear is kind”. Say what you mean. Say what’s frustrating you. Do it kindly, but be clear about what the issue is. Clear is kind.
Loop in your supervisor (when it gets to that point).
There comes a time where you may have to share what has been going on with the team. Your supervisor (hopefully) wants to help get the team to a good working place together. If a fellow student leader is doing something majorly against policy, it needs to be shared with your supervisor. There is a big difference between forgetting to collect someone’s identification number during an incident response and being a student leader helping the residents be the cause of an incident. Student leaders like you know they shouldn’t be blatantly breaking policies, and something like that should be shared with a supervisor right away. Your supervisor can help address the issue, but they can’t do that if they don’t know about the issue in the first place.
Document.
In any job you have, it’s a good idea to keep track of what’s happening. For example, there may be several times where another Student Leader doesn’t show up for duty shifts. If you keep covering for them, that pattern is unlikely to change and no action can be taken against this without documentation of this actually occurring.
Think about the good stuff!
There are so many incredible parts of life and work for you to enjoy. It’s easy to focus on the negative. It’s especially easy to focus on your experience with your fellow student leader when they have the same job as you and live in the same community as you. If you put all your energy into being frustrated with your colleague, you are going to be having a bummer year of college. Instead, focus on the good things happening too. Personally, I’m a journaler, so I write down all the things I’m grateful for when I’m focusing too much on the problems. This year I decided to keep a gratitude jar, which has become a fun part of my day. I have found that there’s something to celebrate every day, even if all I have to celebrate is small, like my favorite meal at the dining hall or two roommates sorting out a conflict with my help. In focusing on the good, you may realize that there are lots of good things about your fellow student leaders, but that you just hadn’t noticed it when you were focusing on the negative.
Set clear boundaries.
Sometimes living in the same community as your coworkers can feel like the job is overtaking your life. Often, this is because boundaries haven’t been established. Define what your boundaries are and share them. Few people are mind readers and because we all come from different backgrounds, what might be okay for one person isn’t okay for another. For example, if your coworker knocks on your door to say hi every time they do a duty round, that might be super annoying to you. For your coworker though, they may think they are being fun and friendly. If something is bothering you, find a kind, calm, and clear way to share this with the person.
Focus on your circle of control.
There are a lot of variables outside of what we are able to control. If you focus on what you can control, things will begin to feel a little bit easier. You can use your words to communicate and use your actions to demonstrate what should be happening. You can’t make your colleague do his building rounds more thoroughly, but you can make sure you do yours well. If you’ve taken all the steps outlined here and the problem still persists, you can change what you choose to spend energy and time focusing on.
In any role, you will be closer with some coworkers than others. Sometimes you won’t be close with anyone at all. Relationships take time to build. While I wish it wasn’t true, some student leaders just aren’t as strong as others. If someone is a live-in student leader for “free” housing, they likely aren’t going to have as good of a time as someone who is a student leader because they care about others, want to make the hall a great place to live, and enjoy building relationships. Follow the steps outlined above and perhaps your experience with a terrible student leader will begin to improve.
